Do You Need a Sign?

What is that ever-elusive sign I’m waiting for? When I feel fearful, vulnerable, or insecure, my ego uses a trick to amplify my doubts. It prompts me to seek another “sign” that I’m on the right path. For example, regarding my writing, it suggests that what I desire is trivial, self-centered vanity. It insists that being a writer is merely an illusion I’ve created to feel “purposeful." It claims there’s no worthwhile desire to pursue here, leading to wasted time and energy on things no one cares to read.

Then I feel even worse. Discouragement and hopelessness add to the mix of negative emotions. “What sign should I look for?" I ask the empty space in front of me.

I try to meditate, but it feels futile. I focus on accepting the negative feelings and allowing them to simply exist.

Suddenly, as I close my eyes, I see an image—more like a “Cathy” cartoon. A confused woman who looks a lot like me sits on the floor, bewildered. “Give me a sign!” she shouts into the text bubble above her head in desperation.

Surrounding her is a tower of words, experiences, and emotions. They engulf her so much that she must push them aside to look up to the sky with her desperate prayer.

Her prayer goes nowhere.

As I look more closely at the piles she has dismissed, I notice poems, journals, and notes, all filled with beautiful words:

Inspiration

Motivation

Expressions from the soul

Freedom

Joy—so much Joy!

Love

Expansion

Connection to Source

They keep going on and on: the good feelings, the creativity, the expansive ideas, the boundless sense of freedom and connection... Meanwhile, she sits unaware, looking up and feeling abandoned.

I suddenly see how she has let her fear become her excuse for abandoning herself.

She breathes deeply as this insight sinks in. Her compassion for herself deepens. She gazes down at her soul's words, feelings, and truths. Her “why” gently returns. She feels grateful and begins anew.