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Wendy Mackowski
has earned the Certification as a Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) after completing two years of training from The Coaches Training Institute. Wendy has also written many articles on various life & business coaching topics.

Assessing Our Priorities: on the Road to True Fulfillment

by Wendy Mackowski, Inner North Coaching

One response that many of us had to the shock of the September 11th tragedy was the instant alignment of our personal priorities. We always knew that love of family and friends was what mattered most, but our actions didn't always reflect that belief. The crisis that has affected our entire nation has also been a wake up call for many of us as individuals to feel a renewed commitment to re-examining our lives and our priorities in regards to our work, our relationships, our lifestyle, and our beliefs. We are being called to examine the deeper meaning of our life. Living a life of fulfillment and deep meaning seems more urgent, but what does that mean exactly? What makes a life more fulfilling? It's surely more than what our culture tells us it is--money, status, that new car, that perfect hair color or certain brand of shoes, even that fabulous job. Good stuff maybe, but is that all there is?

In my work as a Personal Coach, I've found there are three ingredients to living a life of deep fulfillment:

Identifying and clarifying your core values.
Setting your priorities based on these values.
Making conscious choices daily that are in alignment with these values.

Values

Values are not morals or idealistic ideas of how you should believe or act. Values are your core beliefs. You act on your values all the time. They are the deepest expressions of who you are. When you are acting from a core value you have a clear sense of being in alignment, you are inspired and impassioned, and centered in your true authentic self. Everyone has values, but what most people never do is take the time to consciously identify them –give them a name. Values don't always have idealistic names either. They aren't just lists of ethical attributes that you hope to aspire to. The most meaningful way to begin to identify your values is to look at real situations in your life and notice what made those situations important. When you acted a certain way, what value were you honoring? Maybe one of your most favorite memories was a Sunday dinner at Grandmas where all your cousins, aunts and uncles were there and you felt peace and harmony--just in that very moment. You may have a value called "family connection" which has a unique meaning to you alone, yet is an important part of who you are. Exploring specific circumstances that brought you feelings of joy and fulfillment is one way to begin to identify what values you have and how you honor them. Likewise, the opposite can be true. In situations where you were very angry or upset, what values were being stepped on?

Setting Priorities

Conflicts arise when we either do things that aren't in alignment with our true values, or else we have two or more values conflicting at the same time. For example, say "family time" is a high value, but so is "furthering your education". You may find yourself feeling guilty about being out for that night class, yet resenting missing it when you have to go to a family event scheduled at the same time. Again, becoming clear about what values are in conflict is the first step. Secondly, you can then consciously choose which is the higher priority in that particular circumstance. Understanding that you are making a conscious choice and that this choice is aligned with your highest value can help you validate your choice and accept what you are saying no to. This will get rid of a common cycle of guilt and resentment. This cycle robs you of the energy to feel calm and 100% present in whatever choice you make.

Conscious Choice Making

Making conscious choices based on clear beliefs and values is the best way to begin living a more fulfilling life. If this is the case, then why don't we make conscious choices all the time in our life? Because doing so is a radical act in our culture. We have learned to follow our head instead of our hearts. We have been taught that we should make choices based on what others want--parents, children, friends, society, etc. We make choices based on what will cause the least discomfort in the moment, or are the easiest things to do. We have been taught to live inside the box of what we think we can have or what we already know. We "settle for" and let our dreams slip away. Trying to hold onto our visions and dreams all alone without support from somewhere is pretty overwhelming. It becomes close to impossible to buck the tide of the status quo. We forget what brings us true joy and fulfillment. We even forget that we know.

Through this process of rediscovery, we can learn to reconnect with our authentic self to create and redesign our lives for what we truly want, from outside the box. It also means we are taking full responsibility for our choices and our lives –definitely a road less traveled. It means giving up such things as: excuses, blaming other people or circumstances, feeling like you have no control in your life, being a martyr, saying "I have to" all the time, etc. See why this is a radical act? Conscious choice making can make a lot of other people around you very uncomfortable. In other words, this process of fulfillment does not come without a price. But is the price worth it? Is it worth it to live each day fully alive, in integrity and authenticity, joy and gratitude? How much more energy and enthusiasm would you have to contribute to others and the world from that place?

Understanding that at any given moment of every day we are constantly making choices, the question is, will they be conscious or unconscious choices? Will they lead us closer or further away from what we truly want out of life?

Wendy Mackowski, a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, lives in Orange County, California and is the owner of Inner North Coaching. For more information about coaching, sign up for Wendy's free email newsletter, or permission to reprint this story, contact Wendy.

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